And so NYE rolls by again. Not the most productive year in terms of Newgrounds contributions, I must admit. Over the past years I've seen people at least a decade younger than me complaining how they were getting too old for this community, but on that I have to disagree - NG offers an incredibly broad spectrum of content for children of all ages. Because that's basically it; we're all kids lost in a world run by grown-ups who are in turn kids themselves, they just started taking themselves too seriously at some point.

Last year made this painfully clear for me. As part of my career plan (I can sound like a grown-up too, under pressure), I took a training in basic coaching skills. "Coaching is two people who don't have answers, and one of them gets paid not to." It teaches you how to ask the questions that allow people to find the solutions to their problems within themselves, rather than telling them what to do. It's also based on the fact that you need to be in touch with your inner workings: you can't coach people beyond where you've already been yourself. Contrary to all the education and trainings I've already taken part in, this one wasn't about sitting in class listening to someone talk all day. It was about taking a small bit of theory and putting it into practice, and just talk, talk, talk. And because we all needed guinea pigs, this meant half the time you'd be the coach, and the other half the one being coach. I like to quip my classmates were in luck, because I have problems up the wazoo. On the flip-side, though, that meant I was equally Lucky (ha!), as I got to explore parts of myself I never got to know. Stuff that's been in my way for over three decades now.

I ended up locking myself up in my friend's apartment for the better part of week with a notepad and a pen. For the first time ever, I took the time and opportunity to start digging into what moves me. How did I end up here? What's going on inside of me that causes me to make all these choices, both the good as well as the stupid ones? What makes me, well, me? I still don't have all the answers, but a lot of pieces of the puzzle have started falling into place. There's a Dutch saying that translates to "It's not about the marbles, it's about the game." That's not how I was raised. I never brought enough marbles home. This has caused me to evolve into a 42-year-old who constantly worries about all the stuff he hasn't done yet, or hasn't done well enough - all the marbles he didn't manage to win. It took me that long to turn around and look behind me, at the huge tank standing on the dresser in the corner of the room, filled to brim with marbles of all shapes, sizes and colors. I have always considered myself lucky in the sense that fortune smiles upon me in a lot of ways, hence the moniker. I never took the opportunity to actually feel lucky, to feel blessed with all the good things I have going on. All the stuff I achieved. I did that. And I'd do well to remind myself of this more often.

If you're half my age or below and have made it this far into reading: congratulations, you have an admirable attention span, which seems to grow rarer and rarer as I grow older. And if you sometimes worry about whether you're doing yourself justice, whether you're doing the right this or doing it right, well, it won't get better or easier. At least, not by itself. You're going to have to put in some effort - but you don't have to do it alone. Find yourself someone who can ask you the questions that need to be asked, and answer them truthfully. If the questions are right, you might be amazed at the answers that present themselves.

You're never too old for anything. Not for this community, and especially not to learn. The last tattoo I got was of a tree - use your imagination, I drew it myself:

The same friend whose couch I crashed on once told me there's a Chinese proverb that translates to "The best moment to plant a tree is thirty years ago - the second best moment is now."

Plant that tree.

Thread new grounds.

Happy new year <3